I knew today was going to be shitty,
from the time i woke up,
to the time i went to go to bed,
the night air is the only thing that's keeping my sane right now,
I'm tired of feeling like I'm going insane,
my paranoia controlling what i do and don't do.
I'm pushing everyone away, i don't know who to reach out for,
memories of last summer keep filling my head,
Her laying in bed unconscious
i never got to say goodbye..
her being rushed into the ICU
family young having mental breakdowns left and right..

and after it was all over,
my world shattered,
i felt so small and venerable,

all my mother would do was sleep and cry,
for months she did this,
my dad just kept on going to his meetings..
I couldn't let my parents know what was going on..
They're problems were worse then mine..

I started ripping myself apart,
Your ugly and fat, no one likes you, your always going to be alone,
every time i looked in the mirror..
i would lay on my bed for hours starring at the ceiling

One day i cracked,
i told my mom how bad i felt,
my mom then called the Doctors office and finally got me help.

I got pills immediately
i noticed a difference right away..
all it took was one pill and i was as cool as a cucumber,
it felt so good..
finally having that relief.

and now i feel like i'm letting the pills control me completley,