You can have it all my pile of dirt.

I'm so aggravated, I can't even grasp it. And rarely am I ever really aggravated anymore. It's just this gnawing feeling where two ends tug at you.

I need to re-prioritize my life before I get any deeper into shits. I think I've taken a lot and there's just no sense in talking. It's not a verbal thing anymore. I want to put my foot down.

And it's such a slap in the face, every single time. I just shrug it off most of the time, but I can't do that anymore. I don't need anything or anyone pulling me down. I like to live striving for happiness, because even if it's unattainable sometimes, at least I know that I'm living.

Fuck this, you know? I've got so much ahead of me and the patience has been sucked away from me. I can't. It's unbearable now. Before my feelings just stung me, but now. Now, I'm leaning towards bitter.

What we don't realize sometimes is that we have responsibilities and everything has a consequence in life. I don't care how many times it's said, Life isn't fair, OK? Pain and bad things exist so that happiness can too. Learn to accept it. It's just easier this way.

In the mean time, I'm going to worry about myself. And my life. I'm starting to waste time, and I'm not about to fucking do that.






This is about me.
It hurts, You talk as if you've never had a rough patch in your life as if you're perfect. 
To me you sound hypocritical, but that's just me. 
Go ahead and fuck everything if you have so much ahead of you go ahead i don't want to hold you back.
Just like i didn't want to hold you back from being happy when i was upset about kenneth But Oh No! you use that against me saying that's why we'll never be close friends again even though i 've told you thousands of times the real reason i did it Someone needs to learn to let go of the past. Maybe we could learn together because as far as i know i'm not the best at it either. You think i don't know life is unfair? Trust me i know Life is unfair. I've witnessed it not first person but third. I KNOW I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES. I know my duties around the house and at school YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER. Our households and ways we were raised are completely different so don't compare. To every action there is a greater or equal reaction. I say this all the time. I think i know this. I know why pain and bad situations exsist, So when we are happy we cherish it more than we would if it just came without negatives. So we don't take it for granted. And so we can grow, pain and negative situations could make the most immature person grow in a blink of an eye i've witnessed that first hand. Now immaturity doesn't mean you're perfect, You still make mistakes but i know you know this. I have accepted this, doesn't mean i can forget it every once in awhile when i feel bad. Because i know you do. Fuck the easy way. I don't mind kicking and screaming Because i don't mind being different. Different as in thoughts and opinions. I know i have trouble being different from everyone else in the looks department. I'm working on it wither you believe me or not i am. I've never told you to worry about me. I'm sorry you feel as though you're wasting your time but that's why i'm telling you that i'm walking away. Never have i wanted to burden anyone and the reason i over reacted to this is because you ARE flat out calling me a waste of time and a burden. I didn't ask for you to do any of this you just did. So thanks for taking more than you could handle and making me feel bad about it. It's cool I'm used to having other's frustrations taken out on me, Like the majority of our peers including yourself. You don't have to stick around and if this is how you truly feel i don't want you to.


I don't want to make your life any harder than it already may be. I'm sorry i take out my emotions on you but trust me, i filter out most of what i could be saying to you. I know i'm a hypocrite because i complain about my father and mother doing this always. I can admit to this, there are some things you should own up to as well you're not perfect so don't point fingers. 


I'm having a hard time finding happiness to build up on. 
but can you really blame me when i know things like this are running through your mind?
i can't be myself around you anymore, you are now someone i don't think i can trust to vent to. 
i miss you and i'm sorry for everything i've said and done to make you feel any sort of discomfort. 
I miss the days when happiness just came easily for the both of us.
you go ahead without me and continue finding yours I'll be watching from afar congratulating you,
i have some things i have to deal with before i can continue searching for mine,


I'm sincerely sorry for everything,
when i'm frustrated at you i'm really frustrated with myself.
I'm a scared little girl and instead of asking for help i get angry and start lashing out at everyone in defense.
I don't anyone to be able to have the pleasure of saying they made me vulnerable ever again.


Love always,


            makayla