Are you hungry now are you hungry for..

I feel like driving into a wall full speed, music blaring, my last moment of infinite.
Atleast i'll know how epic my last thoughts were.
All stress anxieties problems just ending in a fraction of a second.
can't remember how the last time i've felt that wieghtless.
i feel like there's always something on my back.


watching everyone holding hands and having someone to call thier own at the end of the day is making me sick.  I try smiling but i'm sure it comes out as this mangled frightening sad excuse for a smile. Parts of me wish i had gotten knocked up, and had a child, not for the faggot father to stick around. Just to have a reason to wake up in the morning, someone completley dependent on me. I can love them unconditionally because i know they're never going to leave me. I wan't consistancy, i want to be able to open up to someone and not be afraid of them running away. i know one day it will happen.. but reality is, not everyone ends up with a happy ending. I think i'm one of them, which is fine. i much rather prefer to live in my own head observing people and their relationships with each other even if it makes me sick. i don't have to worry about rejection.

I know none of this is making sense,
but atleast you get a taste of  what goes on in my mind