Rant rant rant..

I remember sitting at  the computer playing games,
couldn't have been older than 7
courtney wanted a turn on the computer..
you came in and grabbed me by my shoulder and threw me off the chair onto the hardwood floor
I instantly burst into tears.. you walked out of the room.

later on that day
i sat in my green wagon behind the shop and cried

I never use that against you, you can use all the excuses you want
but you know in your heart you did plenty of things to me that weren't right
i remember almost all of them
i was scared of you majority of my life.
you were a stranger and daddy was my best friend,
when dad became the bad guy i was lost,
i hated you both,
but somewhere along the line i decided to protect you
regardless of our past history and ever since we've been as thick as thieves
but now that you know whats going on in my head
and you have an obsession with my boyfriend
you use everything against me.

So when i'm mad,
let me be mad let me sound like an idiot, don't sit there and try to talk me through it and expect me to be nice
let me feel how i feel everything blows over. don't sit there and say stupid 10 yr old remarks for kicks it only makes me more angry

when i'm sad,
i will come to you if i need the help.
but if i'm sitting in my room just relaxing don't just hover over me
i want my space.

it's funny how when i'm mature and handle things correctly i get no ecknowledgement
but god fore-bid i show my true feelings you try to make me feel like shit.

you don't make sense to me,

p.s.

stop comparing me to your stupid cheerleading days
I'm not your preppy little clone,
not ALL guy are assholes that don't listen
maybe just the stupid jocks you dated.

I'm not like dad either,
I didn't turn to drugs to help me through all this.
i swallowed my feelings and was the rock of the house
never letting anyone know how i feel because everyone else was having problems
and i wanted to help you all out.

I'm getting to my limits
the next time the either of you try to personally attack me like you did today,
i'm not going to take your bullshit,
i've done enough i have no problem walking out the front door.